Season 5 Episode 39 – Do Not Post The Mister Mustache Picture

Fanfics read:
Chronicles of Spider-Man (by JohnSmith)

Readers: Stevo, David, Logan, Shawn, Val

Excelsior, true believers!

Surely the spectacular Spider-Man has sensational sexcapades – but not when he’s on the clock! That’s irresponsible! And you know how Spidey is about responsibility… In “Chronicles of Spider-Man” by JohnSmith, Spider-Man, goes on a vacation retreat with other characters where obvious sexual shenanigans are going to occur. Stuff gets gross, but that’s okay! These are superheros, people – they need to blow off steam and when you deal with the kinds of things they deal with you’d be into some rank stuff, too.

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Season 5 Episode 38 – Schtee-Dong

Fanfics read:
Doug Got Abducted (by ComicsNix)
Batman In the Bowels of Hell (by ComicsNix)

Readers: Stevo, David, Logan, Shawn, Val

We go on a Comicsnix-athon (that’s what you call a marathon reading of stories by fanfic author, Comicsnix, of course) – beginning with “Doug Got Abducted“. Then we stopped Doug Got Abducted. It was so bad we had to quit. But then it was on to “Batman in the Bowels of Hell“, which aged like a fine wine.

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Season 5 Episode 37 – I’m Not Being Mad, I’m Just Being Loud

Fanfics read:
SONIC HIGH SCHOOL (by DarkDoomFireMaster) 
Velma’s Big Dick (by Squall)

Readers: Stevo, David, Shawn, Val, Judi

WE DID IT! YAY! WE”RE DONE! “SONIC HIGH SCHOOL” by DarkDoomFireMaster is finished. Everything was resolved and there were zero open threads and it was totally satisfying and not at all just a relief to be finished. Okay… bold faced lies throughout the last sentence minus the fact that we finished.

But not only is that hot mess over, we’ve started another: “Velma’s Big Dick” by squall. It’s a classic that most of us almost entirely forgot. The fresh horror unearthed is just as bad as it was the first time.

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Season 5 Episode 36 – Boob Food

Fanfics read:
SONIC HIGH SCHOOL (by DarkDoomFireMaster) 

Readers: Stevo, David, Shawn, Val, Scout, Waffle

Behold: the on-going nightmare of “SONIC HIGH SCHOOL” by DarkDoomFireMaster. The plot dissolves into nothingness and vague recollections leaving us questioning the essentials: why are people giving other people their baby teeth, why are there fuel gauges on breasts, and… Knuckles Jr.  Why?

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Season 5 Episode 35 – You Need to Rub Some Poutine on Your Balls, Logan

Fanfics read:
SONIC HIGH SCHOOL (by DarkDoomFireMaster) 

Readers: David, Logan, Shawn, Lack of Sense, Wolfboy, ElkinFencer, Joe

With Stevo and Valerie out sick with the flu, the remaining three hosts and gaggle of guests run amok (not really), break several laws (not even close), and read some terrible fanfiction (there we go). We’re back to the world of “SONIC HIGH SCHOOL” by DarkDoomFireMaster where apparently there are now Trump supporters. As if everything else wasn’t already terrible about this story! Questionable familiar relations abound in this exciting installment!

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Season 5 Episode 34 – I Fix Cars and Poop Angrily

Fanfics read:
SONIC HIGH SCHOOL (by DarkDoomFireMaster) 

Readers: Stevo, David, Logan, Val, Shawn, Mirri, Afrohawk

“SONIC HIGH SCHOOL” by DarkDoomFireMaster is making us question the basis of most organic processes, like birth and pooping. Alas, we soldier on into another romp back to high school times with our favorite blue blur. This story is so good, in fact, that it ruined two weeks worth of episodes after this with hardware issues! YAY SONIC!

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Season 5 Episode 33 – Now I Gotta Be Your Dad

Fanfics read:
SONIC HIGH SCHOOL (by DarkDoomFireMaster) 

Readers: Stevo, David, Logan, Val, Shawn, Tehmsu, Zak

We’re finally on the other side of the tunnel and back into the fun stuff. Well, mostly fun stuff. I guess it depends on your definition of fun.

In this episode we start reading “SONIC HIGH SCHOOL” by DarkDoomFireMaster. Not to spoil anything, but there’s a lot of drama that anyone who’s been through high school can most definitely, probably, potentially – okay probably actually can’t relate to.

Watch out for fast poops.

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Season 5 Episode 32 – Mugman

Fanfics read:
My Inner Life (by Link’s Queen)
The Hand You’re Dealt (by lacrimalis)

Readers: Stevo, David, Logan, Val, Shawn, Shaggy

FINALLY! We finished it. Link’s Queen’s Zelda fanfic, “My Inner Life” is DONE. Holy shit, that was awful. So many cat noises. So many quotes that weren’t separated by paragraphs for different people. “My Inner Life” was freaking awful top to bottom. Join us as we celebrate the end of one of the most infamously bad Mary Sue stories in the fanficverse.

We cleanse our pallets with some Cuphead (yes) fanfiction – “The Hand You’re Dealt” by lacrimalis. It’s so well written that Stevo almost breaks down into tears of joy. This week ends on a high note, but there’s something dark on the horizon and fast approaching. Something…blue…?

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Season 5 Episode 31 – Cloaca Shake

Fanfics read:
My Inner Life (by Link’s Queen)

Readers: Stevo, David, Logan, Shawn, Asterol, Swiss

Somewhere, out in the horizon, a silver lining is beginning to take shape. The end of Link’s Queen’s repugnant Zelda fanfic, “My Inner Life” is nearing. In the meantime…

WE WANT THIS RIDE TO BE OVER. PLEASE LET US OFF. WE DO NOT WANT TO LIVE IN HYRULE ANYMORE. THIS STORY IS CRIMINALLY BAD. THE SUFFERING IS REAL.

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Season 5 Episode 30 – AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

Fanfics read:
My Inner Life (by Link’s Queen)
Garfield Land (by ShakespeareHemmingway)

Readers: Stevo, David, Logan, Val, Shawn, Lios, Troy

HOORAY FOR JAZZ! JAZZ HAS SAVED US! GARFIELD HAS SAVED US! LASAGNA IS LIFE!

We bask in the glory of a story that isn’t Link’s Queen’s “My Inner Life”. Then, unfortunately, we had to go back to “My Inner Life”. Everyone was sad. But we got by, because it’s what we do.

Fortunately “Garfield Land” by Shakespear Hemmingway warms our souls for a moment as the meat, cheese, and noodles of that famous fat cat’s favorite Italian treat warms his cynical cockles. Yes, just about anything is better than the longfic we’re subjecting ourselves to, even fanfic of Jim Davis’ rancid newspaper leavings. This story has broken us so bad. So so so bad.

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